I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. It is a bit of a head scratcher when the APA (American Psychological Association) comes out with new guidelines for psychologists to help boys and men overcome their masculinity. Huh? They really don’t like gender roles, especially traditional male behaviors. They see masculinity as a problem that needs to be overcome. How could they come up with this nonsense? Well, let’s start with a key takeaway from their research: “When trying to understand the complex role of masculinity in the lives of diverse boys and men, it is critical to acknowledge that gender is a non binary construct that is distinct from, although interrelated to, sexual orientation.” And so another example of the politicization of science. Gender is non-binary? Really? Apparently, biology and physiology have been forgotten by some modern researchers.
It’s Not That Complicated: As much as they keep telling us that there are more than 2 genders (check out www.apath.org/63-genders/), it doesn’t make it true it only becomes less black and white. Your DNA is your DNA. Why has the world gotten so complicated? Can I self identify as a 6’ 8” athletically gifted basketball player and hope to receive a multi million dollar contract? If you’ve seen me play, you know my plans for joining the Denver Nuggets isn’t going to happen anytime soon. The APA is denying the simple fact: boys are different than girls. I can’t believe that I have to make this controversial argument, but in 2019, I guess I do. And because they are different, they will exhibit certain traits. There is no reason to redefine what it means to be man, or frame masculinity as a problem to be solved. But being a man is not just about DNA, it is about behavior. And some behavior is instinctual, and that is a good thing.
The Transfer: Men have an instinctual need to provide: It’s the way men are put together, to put a high value on providing for their wife and family. It doesn’t mean we want women to be paid less for the same job, or don’t realize that there are many talented women in the workforce, or appreciate what a wife financially contributes to the household. It just means men are programmed that way. It is why at a wedding, when the Dad walks his daughter down the aisle, he leaves her with her future husband. He is transferring responsibility. Of course the daughter is probably quite capable of taking care of herself, but that isn’t the point. The point is the inherent male desire to make sure your daughter is taken care of.
Pretty daughters: There’s been an uproar about a t-shirt with the phrase, “Guns don’t kill people, Dad’s with pretty daughters do”. Oh, the hand wringing about guns, male propensity for violence, sexism, toxic masculinity, the lack of conflict resolution skills and female objectification. As usual, progressives don’t get it. Let me tell you what it really means. It is the instinctual need to protect your family. I purposefully tried to intimidate every boy my daughters dated. Why? Not to inflate my ego, but to send a message: This girl is precious, so you better treat her well. It doesn’t matter how smart, resourceful, or independent your daughter is, men want to ensure the kids are alright and avoid unnecessary harm. It also sends the message to the kids, that you have their back. If you want your daughter to marry a great guy, then I think it is important to show what a great man looks like.
The Competition is Fierce: Most men like to compete and win. More importantly, men need a purpose, whether that is in sports, the workplace, the family or the community. Men need to contribute and our self-esteem is dependent on that. If you know a depressed male, you’ll likely find a guy without a purpose, and yet we live in a society where everyone’s a winner and get s a participation trophy. I think that is short sighted and really doesn’t help to build self-esteem. Losing can build character and motivation to do better next time. Competition can drive you to improvement and sometimes greatness.
Look at what happens when men lack a desire to provide, protect and compete. You get out of wedlock births, absentee fathers, being your child’s friend instead of father and lack of purpose. Society needs to encourage male instincts and real masculinity. We need more of it, not less. And ladies, let’s be honest, don’t you really want those qualities from your men?